bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
