you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you made out with another girl for some wings
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
