also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
