we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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