What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
