Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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