do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
