My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
