Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize