yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So many bounce houses so little time
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
