2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
