If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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