I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
