i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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