Cold hands, warm shart.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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