he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
