I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
