so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
