Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
