I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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