currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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