Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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