I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize