I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
