i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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