Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
