I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize