bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
