If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm both gender and math confused
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
