I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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