lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
