I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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