My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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