I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
