I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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