He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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