my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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