I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
