we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
