I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize