So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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