omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
