Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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