I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i think my cat just said my name.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
