Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
