We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
