That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
