my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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