'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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