You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize