just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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