I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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