i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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