I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
