Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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