you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
