She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
