Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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