some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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