so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize