My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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