her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
