I can text with my tongue
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
