remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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