smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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