I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
