There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
