he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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