My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
