please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize