he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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