I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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