Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
