Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
