He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
