Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
