I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize