All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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