Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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