I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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