White coat. Heels.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize