Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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