and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
