you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
