I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
