my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
