I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
