We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
