She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
