Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
