what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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