I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sponge bath it is.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
