Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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