I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
