Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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