I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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