I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
