Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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