doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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